The Hardest Thing

A few weeks ago, I had a miscarriage. There I said it. Miscarriage. I hate that word. I hate what it has done to me as a person. I hate crying in public, breaking down in the shower and freaking Chris out with a sudden emotional outburst. I have good days and I have bad days and today, well I just wanted to give the entire world the middle finger and pull the covers over my head. I've cried so much the skin around my eyes have become raw and flaky. I've dealt with a slight infection after my OBGYN gave me the all clear and as of today I am experiencing lower back pain which will result in another doctor visit for tomorrow. I haven't told anyone except my husband and our pastor's wife....she was in the church bathroom during a breakdown and it was slightly awkward sharing this information with her as she was 9 months pregnant (delivered 6 days later).



This is not intended to make you feel sorry for me. My grief and heart ache is minor compared to some people that have lost children. I am hoping that by writing this, I will be able to regain some sort of normalcy in my life. I know big tears will still fall and there will still be days of depression. But I know I am the only one that can make the decision to be happy and by getting out of bed each day and moving, I am one step closer to getting there.

A Little Late

The month of January and I do not have a good history together. For me, it always seems like the longest month, the sickest month and the month that will not end no matter what. I know resolutions are supposed to be made before the new year, but I never really got around to that this year. Early this week, Whitney wrote a great post on reaching monthly goals, in place of resolutions, as a way of reaching her ultimate goals more efficiently. This sounded like a wonderful idea to me as I am all about baby steps and nothing delights me more than checking off a list! I've got a small list running in my head and plan on putting it on paper tomorrow! Very excited!

Other tidbits going on in my life:

1. Follow Confessions of a Domestic Goddess and check out the Fly Lady.
2. I have been informed by the pharmacy on base that once I turn 35, I will no longer be able to get my Retin-A filled there. Bit my tongue, but wanted to inform the "sweet little woman" that I still have several months before I turn 35 but in the meantime she might want to reconsider wearing such a dark lip liner with her lipstick as it's not a good look on her.
3. Anyone else what Biggest Loser? Anyone else think there is going to be a parking-lot beat down between Miggy and Melissa? Anyone else think that Miggy is a control freak?
4. I noticed yesterday that there is a small crack in our windshield. Crap! It's always something with that car.
5. I am teaching Chris how to color my hair tomorrow. Yes, I use a box color and you would too if you were unable to get a good cut in this town much less a good color.
6. We vacationed in Vegas for 5 days this month and had a blast. I am totally in LOVE with Southwest Airlines now. Wonderful service at the ticket counter and our flight attendants and pilots were so nice!

One of my goals for February will be to blog more often, so be sure to check back later in the week for a few posts. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Creeping back...

Hello! Slowly creeping back into the swing of things. It's been a rough two weeks around here, but look for me back in full force this week! See you soon!

Broken

Sorry for the gap in posting. The laptop had a mid-life crisis and split my screen into four sections. With my brother's recommendations, Fred came home with me tonight. Once Fred and I get better acquainted, I'll post pictures and do a little more posting. His keys are a little different, but I have a feeling this is love!

Saying Thank You

Monday night, I updated my Face Book status to the following:

"I do wish some people would learn to say "Thank You". Just two little words..."

This set off several comments with people thanking me for the littlest thing or thanking me for something they thought I may have done that went unnoticed. In truth, this was not about me at all. This was about my cousins and how they have treated my Grandma for years.

My Grandma is 86 years old. She lives on her social security. She doesn't have a ton of money to throw around on the holidays, but she still manges to give her grand kids something. My brother and I are willing to do anything for my grandma, even with me being 270 miles away most of the time. My cousins, however, are a different story. R NEVER takes the time to come our grandma and neither does her sister S. For the life of me, I cannot think of the last time either of them were at my grandmother's house or even picked up the phone and called to say hello.

Each year at Christmas time, my grandma will shell out a few dollars for each of her kids and grand kids. R and S do not show up for that and instead get their mother, A, to pick up their money instead and, to this day, R and S have never once said "Thank You Grandma".

Two years ago I stopped giving R and S anything at the holidays. The last gift I bought was in 2006 and as of March 2007, it was still sitting on my grandma's fireplace hearth. I ended up giving their gifts away that April to my best friend and grandma. At least I know they appreciated my gifts....they both said "Thank You" upon receiving my packages. Two words...how hard can that be?

A Decision Was Made

After this post in early November, I just know that many of you have been scratching your heads and wondering what, if any, decision has been made on purchasing a flat iron. Originally, I had asked Chris for a flat iron for Christmas, but it was later decided that I could just go ahead and get it whenever I wanted felt like purchasing one. The majority of you suggest the Chi, which sounded like a wonderful idea. However, given my history of commitment with styling tools, I decided to try something a little more expensive than my Conair, but not nearly as much as the Chi would run (just in case I feel off the flat iron wagon or something). Here's what I purchased:

It's a Helen of Troy Slim Pink Flat Iron and it retailed at Sally's Beauty Supply 34.99. I loved it! It is pink, supports breast cancer awareness and worked so well (please notice the usage of past tense in the previous sentence). Everything was great until....I went and got my hair shaped up a bit. My bangs are super cute, the sides of my hair are fine....it's the cow licks, in the back from where I have been butchered, that are causing me problems. My hair will not lay down. It's hacked looking. I went back to the hairdresser to get it fixed (the hairdresser that gave me such a fabulous cute after the first horrid cut) and she made it even worse. So, for now, the cute, pink flat iron is resting comfortably in the drawer at home and I am popping prenatal vitamins, drinking Knox gelatin and using the Pantene Beautiful Lengths line in hopes that my hair will grow out of this awkward, teenage phase by spring!

Going...Going...Gone!

I cannot believe Christmas is already come and gone. It's seems so weird that we spend all of this time preparing for the actual day and it's over in a snap. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and Santa brought you exactly what you wanted. Between us, Chris and I were gifted with a Keurig, tons of coffee, coffee organizer, an adorable new coat, scarf, purse and Fiesta ware pieces (I am assuming you can tell what Chris received and what I received, right?)

Yesterday, Chris, my mom and I went to Target to take advantage of their sale on organizational items (plastic bins, wrapping paper holder, etc.). Plastic bins were the only thing to be found and I saw a fight nearly break out over the last wrapping paper holder. It's only $5 people and not worth a fight.

Moving on into the new year, I have already started making my resolutions for 2010. As of today, I am a FB fan of 24 Hour Fitness and will receive Get Fit Motivators reminding to prepare for running a 5k and a marathon as well as tightening my buns and abdomen. I figure if I have the email starring me in the face a few days a week, I might be more motivated to get off my rear and do something. We'll see...